1. I Hate Coffee–It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
2. Suicide is a way of telling God ‘you can’t fire me, I QUIT!’
3. A fool and his money are soon partying
4. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them
5. I have a problem with drinking… two hands and only one mouth
6. Give Blood Play Hockey
7. Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
8. I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.
9. Forget about world peace…visualize using your turn signal
10. Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
11. If there is a tourist season, why can’t we shoot them
12. Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.