Finally I came to this phase of my life again. It is a time when I finally decided to finish my relationship with somebody I really loved. Its actually not easy to get in to this position and decision because I usually try to struggle and keep this feeling in order to give myself and the one I love a chance and a hope to be together or at least to have a higher level of the relationship. In other words (which I hate).. to be more committed to each other. And it’s always not easy. It’s not easy to keep ourselves in patience. We have to take a risk to be stuck in a situation for a long time with a possibilities that we won’t get anywhere at some sort of moment that we can not predict. No movement. And it sucks.
Patience is such a beautiful thing somebody could have, especially in a relationship. But then, if the one we love doesn’t want to have more step, we can not wait for him/her forever. There are many possibilities we’re going to loose if we insist to be in the same position, or even more stupid if we are being stubborn and try to start the relationship all over again. And beg the one we love to be still with us, accepting us, love us as much as he did before. No, no.. it is one of the most stupid things anybody can do in this life, cause things would never be the same once we start it all over again. Move on and get a fucking life instead!!
And that’s what I believe. If somebody I loved seem not to give the response as I’ve wanted, then I won’t have the same interest as I had anymore. Then I will stop. I will not send him flower anymore, I won’t send him sweet emails, I won’t do this and I won’t do that.. just the usual things I used to do for him to make him still in love with me. Cause I don’t do that to impress him.
And this is what I used to do, and I considered this as a signal of myself being ready to be single again (cause it happened to me few times before): I will erase all messages from him which I usually saved in my phone. None of them I will keep. I was keeping those sweet sms in chase I missed him so I can read it all over again and it’ll made me feel better and loved, and it strengthen the bonds I had with the one I love. But then if things are different and not as good as I wanted, I don’t need those sweet words to make my self feeling good. It would be a lie. It’ll feel like I’m lying to myself and it’s not right.
I love myself, and I don’t want to be the one who lied to my self.
And it seems to me that keeping sweet words from old times from the one we loved which now refused to be the one we need equals with keeping rotten tempe in the fridge.
So, I had to get a rid of the rotten tempe.
Tempe.. I love you, but if you’re getting rotten.. I won’t keep you any longer in my fridge.
And I just did it. I put that rotten tempe out from my fridge. And I feel good.
I am clean now… and I have one more reason to be happy.
Yes it feels silent a while. But it’s good. I feel like I finally meet my own self again.
Hello Bakti, nice to meet you..
Have you just a had a cleaning stuff to yourself Bakti?? Cause you’re smell so damn good!! 😉
Jogjakarta, 4 Nov 2009